One of my recent job assignments has been to research ideas for a company-wide wellness program. Ha ha! They have no idea how serious I am about “Wellness!”My research has taken me to many exciting websites including the CDC and the Pennsylvania Department of Health. The subjects I’m specifically looking at for work are really pretty non-threatening, but my discerning, hypochondriac eye manages to draw me to far more interesting topics.
I am now fighting the compulsion to order some free brochures for personal use.
Some of the brochure titles are just so gripping, I find them hard to resist. “Anthrax,” “Management of Persons Exposed to Multi-Drug Resistance Tuberculosis,” “Preparing for Emergencies- Terrorism and Disasters; A handbook for your family” and “Viral Encephalitis” definitely fall into this category. I need to know more!
Then there is the category of pamphlets, I thank God and my luck stars I never saw as a young and impressionable child. If, at the age of say, 8, I was exposed to the “About HIV Coloring Book,” or “My Brother Got Aids an African American Man's Story,” I don’t know where I would be today. A padded cell perhaps? The fact that I am not African American or in any high-risk group would have been lost on me…heck! I don’t even have a brother.
There are also those children’s brochures that I know I would have thought were stupid and cheesy even at the age of 8. “Welcome to the World of Drugosaurs!” sounds like some well-intentioned, but dumber-than-dirt, adult’s idea of a good children’s prevention piece. Children can see right though that shit! REALLY!
Other compelling brochures are the unknowns, the wild cards. The titles I read and have no idea what they are about. I could be ignorant of serious health threats! Oh no! The Pennsylvania Department of Health though that “Campylo-Bacteriosis” and “Caritas Sonrientes” were important enough to make free brochures about and I don’t even know what they are!
“Children and Guns” is another simply amusing title. Sort of like “Drugs, Alcohol and Sex.” I can see where any one of these might be a fine thing on its own, but not in combination…sort of like pickled eggs, cigars and swimming. Wait a minute, on second thought, I’m getting my bathing suit!
The poster section is really great! I definitely want to order “Hepatitis C Don't Get Stuck With It,” “TB/HIV: Double Trouble” and “Think TB!” Imagine gazing at any one of those 16”x 20”, full color beauties first thing in the morning! Who needs coffee?
Alcoholism is a well-represented topic with a variety of brochures targeted to different demographic groups and translated in many languages. My favories are “She Lives Alone, She Drinks Alone” and “Theme Song for Recovery.” I had no idea sobriety had a theme song.
“When Shopping With Your Child Gives You a Headache” sounds pretty scary, as does “I Never Thought I'd Get Pregnant!” At 43, “I Never Thought I'd Get Pregnant!” takes on a whole new terrifying meaning. I just saw on the news the other day where a 60-year old woman gave birth to twins! I better order a free brochure about contraception too! They’ve got lots of those (translated into many languages).
“PA Pandemic Preparedness Tips for Pennsylvania Workers” – Try saying that three times fast! It also comes in poster form. What’s really slays me that immediately following these two publications is a third publication entitled “PA Pandemic Preparedness: Managing Personal Stress.” My suggestion would be NOT to order the first two publications in the first place and especially NOT hang up the friggin’ poster!
Finally, the icing on the cake, “Your Personal Hygiene”…I’ve got to know what the target demographic is!?!
2 comments:
lol. My favorite books as a child were ones centered on child molestation prevention and kidnapping. I don't know what my mother was thinking. I'm still scarred to this day. ;)
Wow, sounds like an interesting project.
Here's one for you:
HOW TO USE THE WASHROOM SO AS NOT TO CATCH OTHER PEOPLE'S GERMS
1. Pull cuff of sleeve over hand when opening washroom door.
2. Immediately dispense one paper towel from towel machine - leave hanging there for later use.
3. Use toilet, but do not flush.
5. Wash hands, but leave tap running.
4. Retrieve hanging paper towel from towel machine and use as buffer to flush toilet, shut off water, and retrieve more towels for drying hands.
5. Dry hands with additional paper towels.
6. Afterwards, use paper towel to open bathroom door, then toss in garbage.
The point is, your bare, clean hand never comes into contact with anything in the washroom after you have washed your hands.
This is what I do at restaurants or in malls. A little crazy, I know, but hey, I rarely get sick. ;)
I often get teased for being too much like the Jack Nicholson character in "As Good As It Gets."
Dave
Post a Comment