Showing posts with label hypochondria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hypochondria. Show all posts

Friday, June 1, 2007

Welfare Island


This whole TB scare got me thinking about my Dad and Aunt and what an impression TB made upon them when they were young. It was much more prevalent during the 1930’s and 40’s. It was something I remember them talking about and was clearly something they feared. When I was about 25 years old, 5’7”, about 100 lbs. and in full party mode, Dad took me aside and warned me that TB was never eliminated completely and if I didn’t take better care of myself, I’d be at risk.

I kind of suspect that my Dad and Aunt both had hypochondriac and depressive tendencies but they are both gone now, and neither were willing to talk about it when they were alive. I’m not sure they were able. They really were from a different generation and didn’t have the self-help vocabulary I have today, or the relative comfort I have discussing such matters.

Before he went into the service my Dad was a bartender in a place that was owned by a couple who was infected with tuberculosis. While bartending, he was grateful not to be working in the mines, where his brother died, but when he was drafted, he was grateful to be away from the TB carriers.

My Aunt also had more than a passing encounter with TB. She worked as a nurse on Welfare Island and spent time in the TB ward. She had many stories about her time there, most of which were indelicate, to say the least, and were told over the table during holiday dinners. (If anyone is interested, I found a very nice posting by a woman who shares her memories of Welfare Island. She has kind words to say about the nursing care given to indigent patients. She makes me proud that my Aunt was there.) My Aunt told stories of impacted stool, swallowed chicken bones and TB patients. “Patients in the TB ward were very sexual,” she recalled, in her own vague words to that effect. She remembered that point and talked about what she perceived to be an expression of “life force.” I wish I could remember more, but I can’t. Maybe, it’s better. This way, her memories are not trivial or mundane to me – instead they are big and dark and important in ways I don’t understand.

The bottom line is that my Dad and Aunt lived pretty close to the disease and were not infected. Although TB is very contagious, coming in contact with carriers is not an automatic death sentence. If itwere, I wouldn’t be here blogging today. Cough –
This year’s summer reading list must include Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Unsuitable for Hypochondriacs

The promotional poster for “Mad Cowgirl” got me thinking…There are films out there that hypochondriacs like me should just NOT see.

So, just like the Catholic Light would list films that were objectionable for all audiences, I am compiling a list of Films Unsuitable for Hypochondriacs. The funny thing is, as a child, I would ALWAYS check out that list of films published in the Catholic Light and wonder about the priests who had the job of going and viewing all those objectionable films…probably Jesuits.

I can only come up with the following six so far, but welcome any additions to the list.

Dark Victory (1939) - Perhaps the best dying-chick-flick ever made. No one can die like Bette Davis! “Oh- It’s all going dark. I must be brave…” Pardon me while I grab a Kleenex. Check out the butts on her hospital tray. The gal is in for brain surgery! Where’s the bottle of vodka? Under her pillow, perhaps? A wonderful (yet depressing and scary) film! – I give it 4 Paxil.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) – Oh no! I’m becoming a pod person. I just know it. Donald Sutherland and Leonard Nimoy give great performances. This is just an awesome film. – I give it 3 ½ Paxil.

Camille (1936) – I say! Greta Garbo is right up there with Bette Davis. – I give it 3 ½ Paxil.


Sweet November (2001) – A dumb, dying-chick-flick. I like Charlize Theron, but she’s no Bette Davis. – I give it 2 Paxil.

Autumn in New York (2000) – Another, even dumber dying-chick-flick. Winona Ryder is no Bette Davis. – I give it ½ Paxil.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

You Can Quote Me On That


KNOWING you’re crazy doesn’t make BEING crazy any easier.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

“Your boyfriend, he is doctor?”


Leila’s post this afternoon entitled, “Daymares” reminded me of a funny (in retrospect) incident that happened to me about six years ago. I was going through an extremely stressful time and suffering through a fairly intense bout of hypochondria and anxiety.

During a period of approximately one month, BF and I had moved and were still unpacking boxes, I was in the process of leaving one job and beginning a new one, and I also had to fly back and forth, twice from California to Pennsylvania, first when I realized how sick my dad was…and then again when he passed away. He was 85.

Gee…I wonder if real-life stressors have any causal link to my mental health?!?

Oops, forgot to mention that also just learned that my previous shrink had left Kaiser and the Psyche. Dept. was giving me real run around. I was calling every day for a little over a week to get an appointment, but kept getting told that they didn’t have a replacement for my doctor yet, they were already over-booked, there was no one available, etc.

I was sitting on the stairs one afternoon, checking symptoms and describing to BF all the potentially cancerous pain, tingling and swelling I was experiencing.

Suddenly it occurred to me that what was bothering me could be my lymph nodes! I hadn’t thought of it until that VERY moment. I offered him an area to feel and asked if this was a lymph node.

Without even feeling the offending spot, that SOB replied “Oh, if it’s your lymph nodes, then it’s lymphoma.” Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh! Upon hearing those words, my anxiety level spiked! The abyss opened in front of me…reeling, crawling skin, stomach dropping, sweating, heart pounding and shallow breathing accompanied by nausea.

I felt doom from my head to my toes.

The next morning I was having real trouble getting my shit together…sitting at the kitchen table pale, shaking and crying. God bless BF! He sat down next to me and said “You need help, NOW.” He then told me what to do - call the psyche. dept. one more time and tell them that if they couldn’t get me in that day to please let me know immediately so I could go directly to the emergency ward.

Amazingly I had an appointment less than 2 hours later!

I ended seeing a Psychiatrist who was even better than the one before. She was this wonderful, SERIOUS, Eastern European lady. No monkey business. When I told her about my conversation with BF about lymphoma, she stopped writing and without moving her head at all, looked at me above her reading glasses and in the most perfect “Bring me moose and squirrel” accent I ever heard, asked “Your boyfriend, he is doctor?”

“Uggh no, he’s an engineer.” I answered.

“I see,” she said went back to writing.

I don’t think there was any better response she could have given. I “GOT” it.