Self Medicating/don't try this at home

Nicotine is truly a wonder drug.

I mentioned in an earlier post that although I officially quit smoking several years ago, I recently found myself sneaking a cigarette here and there, usually while drinking. Although wildly pleasurable, the smoke ultimately produces a feeling of guilt and remorse in me, and sets off al kinds of anxiety about health risks associated.

Well, BF and I had a good long talk about this the other evening. He pointed out to me that in addition to anxiety, I’ve been exhibiting symptoms of depression and that perhaps the nicotine was really my attempt at treating it. He mentioned several studies that suggest, nicotine actually possesses antidepressant properties. A quick scan brought up this article.

As a result of our talk, I decided that I’m not going to smoke anymore. Instead, I’m just going for the gold and upping my nicotine dosage with the patch. Yesterday evening I picked up a box of 7 milligram patches and applied my first one this morning. I swear, this has been the best morning I’ve had in months. One cup of coffee later and I had washed several days’ worth of dishes and took out the trash. I will admit that the 7 mg dosage is too much for me. I had to take it off! Tomorrow, I’ll cut one in half.

Meanwhile, I think I’ll shovel snow, vacuum, iron and give the dog a bath.

It's the end of the world

Meat-loving Calf eats Chickens

Didn't Nostradamus have something to say about this?!?

The Only Way Around It, Is Through It.

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

- Frank Herbert

F.U.B.A.R.

On Saturday, I received a piece of mail from my COBRA Administrator saying ”We have been advised by your sponsoring employer that your medical coverage will not extend to your new location… Since your COBRA continuation coverage will not extend to your new location, you may wish to cancel this coverage effective with your current paid through date of 02/28/07.”

F**king! A!

I am not the first human being to leave a job at XYZ Corp. to move to another state!!! You would think they would have it together. It has bee driving me F***ing nuts since yesterday. I want to yell at someone NOW!

Meanwhile, do they think I can just keep the more than $2111.00 I’ve sent them in premiums ?!? And perhaps send more?

Ughh.. let me see?…I can keep sending you monthly payments for no coverage?..

Humm, I just don’t know? Gee – perhaps I should just sent another check right now.

As a hypochondriac, this sets me off thinking “If I have no insurance, surely they’ll find something seriously wrong with me.”

Relief is a mere 9 hrs. away. Although getting to a live person anywhere will be challenging. I want another cigarette and another shiraz!!

Not Visible

I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to see the lunar eclipse this evening.

I kept checking, but it was too overcast. I did get a glimpse of the full moon a short while ago and then suddenly there was a huge snow squall.

Under My Tongue

Over the last few days, I’ve been having some periods of medium anxiety over the pain, pressure and tingling I am experiencing on the right side of my right tongue, throat, ear, neck and eye. I know that things always ramp up a bit for me when I have doctors’ appointments pending (the end of the month). I say “periods” of anxiety because it’s not constant (thank goodness). It seems to just be a little more than usual over all with somewhat intense episodes in the late afternoon or early evening….I’m just peering over the edged of the abyss, not actually hanging by my fingernails over the rim. It reminds me that I need to work on a system for describing/quantifying the anxiety I’m feeling. I think it would be a useful thing for me to do.

I’ve been doing the “checking thing” in my mouth a little too often. I know it’s not a good thing, but I can’t help myself at times. I have held back from poking around in there with Q-tips, another favorite trick of mine but I’ve looked under my tongue (things look reasonably normal there). When I force myself to see how silly I am, I end up humming the Rolling Stones melody “Under my Thumb” but with the lyrics “Under my Tongue.”

Take your Prozac and your Claritin and shut up, Barbora.

Dinner

Collard Greens

2 slices bacon chopped
1 clove garlic chopped
1 medium onion chopped
1 lb collard greens
14.5 oz can chicken broth
White wine vinegar
Frank’s hot sauce
Salt
Zatarain's Creole Seasoning

1. Sautee bacon bits in large (deep) pan.
2. When bacon is browned, add garlic and onions to pan.
3. When bacon, onions and garlic are browned and just sticking to the bottom of the pan, add collard greens, chicken broth and approximately 1/3 cup vinegar.
4. Cook collard greens about 30 to 45 minutes stirring occasionally. Season to taste with additional vinegar, salt, Creole seasoning and hot sauce.

Makes 3 (100 calorie) Barbora-sized servings. These are large servings.

BF claims that the ice age didn’t wipe out the dinosaurs…but that I ate them all and when I got to the last one, I didn’t bother to replace it. (I think I drank his last beer or something once)